I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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