Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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