Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
