Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
