....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
