she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
