How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
