I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
