i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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