Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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