Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
