do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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