lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize