We won't sleep together?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
