she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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