We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
