nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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