Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
