Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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