he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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