When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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