I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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