So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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