HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
