There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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