do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
