my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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