i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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