im having a threesome with these popsicles
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.