imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
