call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you win again, gameday.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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