I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize