I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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