ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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