all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize