I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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