that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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