just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
