I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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