Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
