its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
