Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
