he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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