There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
