I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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