Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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