As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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