hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
