friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
