I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
