dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
thus making me awesome and them whores
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
