So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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