well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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