i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
