i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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