let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
