I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
